Whose Journey is this anyway?

When I moved to Gressier in January of 2011…I felt like I had lived a whole life already…and to some degree I had.  I tried to live the life I thought I was supposed to and the life I thought I wanted to live.

 

I LOVED high school, mostly because I was so consumed with myself and how many friends I had and what I accomplished…Homecoming Court, Prom Queen…I thought THAT was what high school was about.  And although I was a bit misled…I would talk to everyone, and would feel that certain twinge of sadness when someone was standing by themselves…I didn’t always know what to do with that…but I knew that I didn’t ever want anyone to feel unloved.

 

I worked my tail off to get to a wonderful school (shout out Tulane University) on full scholarship…(I showed up at a state representatives house to ask for his Legislative Scholarship- full paid scholarship to Tulane….but that’s a story for another time).  I absolutely LOVED Tulane…I loved my classes, my professors, the freedom that came with school…and then Hurricane Katrina hit my sophomore year.  I thought my dreams were crushed…I ended up at Washington and Lee University in such a divinely driven plan that I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.  Here at W & L, the Lord started cracking at my hard outer shell…He started calling my heart…He started beckoning my spirit.  I had no idea what to do with this…I started working with the homeless in New Orleans after the Hurricane.  My life was such a roller coaster of what I wanted to do versus what HE wanted me to do.

 

As a Tulane University cheerleader for the last two years of college, I was in two different realms completely.  Helping to lead worship every Monday night while spending the weekend before cheering, drinking and being your typical self-focused college student.  Every night, EVERY night I went to bed wondering what in the world I was going to do, how God would EVER use a selfish, broken, people-pleasing person like me.  When I graduated in 2008 I had very little direction…so when my friend Jordan said she was going to Africa, I literally just jumped on the trip with her and spent that summer in Uganda.  God started to open my eyes even more this trip…He woke up a place in my heart that had been dying to come out…Loving the helpless, Loving the needy, Loving Children who have no one.

 

When I returned home I just expected God to SHOUT at me what to do with this pain….PAIN that I felt for these children.  I waited, and waited on him.  In the midst of waiting…I got a great job, my dream job.  I got an amazing car, my dream car.  I got a boyfriend, fiance to be exact.  But yet, there was still something missing.  Something BIG missing.  As I acquired more and more of what I thought I wanted…I got farther and farther away from being joyful, farther away from abiding in HIM. Farther away From HIS voice beckoning my Spirit.  It was as if I could almost hear him say…”Sure, you can choose that path, if you want to…if you think that YOU are in charge of this Journey.”

 

As the doubts grew with what I had chosen versus what GOD had chosen grew….Everything began shaking.  After a planned wedding, rocky relationship and finally a broken engagement, it was evident he was not who GOD had for me.  God had BIGGER plans for him and for me.  I was confused, but had no choice but to TRUST God.

 

Then, my desire to work in my perfect job started fading.  I knew in my mind that I WANTED this.  Didn’t everyone want to have an amazing job, with amazing people, and amazing opportunities?  Wasn’t this what I wanted?  Great money, great friends, great fun?

But I was empty.  There was a nagging in the back of my mind.  Is this really what you want?  Is this really what GOD has made you for?  What about your heart for fatherless children?  For the needy, for orphans, for loving people who desperately need love.  I began to justify in my mind how that was a phase…or that wasn’t real…and then I visited Haiti.  As I visited in April of 2010…my heart BROKE for these people.  I got physically ill the first night after seeing dead bodies, starving children and hurting people in their broken lives.  My mind couldn’t wrap around the extremes….my “Journey”…my “Life” that I had chosen…and then Haiti.

 

I came to Haiti again in August of 2010 and visited Gressier randomly with a group of people.  As we walked around on Bellevue Mountain for about 45 minutes…my mind sort of wandered.  How could anyone move here?  There was SO much need.  Why would anyone want to move here?  Where would you begin?  I left there that day thinking this was a task for someone else…my mind did not have the slightest thought of maybe that someone was me…until God started working again.  Relentlessly.  I dreamed about Haiti…about Gressier every night.

 

I dreamed about the one little girl who I saw when I was walking up to Bellevue Mountain.  Her leg was burned…no one who was with me wanted to clean it…no one wanted to look at it.  I, Megan Boudreaux, who couldn’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy without covering her eyes when someone was stuck with a needle was suddenly cleaning her wound.  As I poured a little water into the wound, flies and bugs started coming up…the only thing that was keeping me from gagging was saying the name of Jesus over and over under my breath.  I treated her wound and left…that night I dreamed about her and every night until I moved there in January.  I dreamed about how there were so many children in Gressier that seemed to have no one…nothing…their eyes looked tired and their young bodies looked worn out.

When I finally, FINALLY, let go of what I thought I wanted on this Journey called life.  I realized instead that MY Journey of MY life was so far off…and that HIS Journey for HIS life through me had just begun….

God uses broken.  Selfish.  Scared.  Hurting people.  He doesn’t only call Qualified“Put together People”…I realized when my eyes were OFF of myself and Focused on HIM and His desire…my life was not so bad after all…as I began to realize how EASY it was to TRUST Him and be Faithful in Obeying Him.  God started moving.  And started moving fast.

I, in and of myself could never have moved to a place in Haiti by myself.  In fact, if you ever asked me about that I would say, it’s stupid.  Just plain stupid.  I didn’t know the language, didn’t know how I was going to eat, or where I would get water.  I was naive, young and alone.  I Didn’t know what God wanted me to do.  I just went.  I regretted that decision for the first 3 days in January of 2011 as I sat in my rented house in Gressier eating Cliff Bars in my room by myself wondering what I had gotten into.  I cried, and yelled and was fearful and negative and alone.  I thought I had failed before I even began.  And then in those moments in my house with no electricity, no running water, no English, no anything…I finally, for the first time ever….let down all my guards and really heard God’s voice.  Without any distractions and without any outside guidance I was able to finally OBEY.  To OBEY Him without any strings attached…without any confusion.

So I began to truly live.  And learn.  And Grow.  And Follow HIS voice…and only HIS voice.

 

When I reflect back on this journey of where I have been and where God has taken me…my mind whirls around.  This burning FIRE in my bones (Jer. 20:9) for furthering HIS name, for showing how INadequate WE are and how ADEQUATE HE is.  The BURNING desire to show HIS children about their FREEDOM in Him and IDENTITY in Him continues to grow.  The FIRE that grows to FIGHT for the Fatherless and the hurting, neglected and abused.

The Lord continues to amaze me with His incredible plans.  I canNOT do this on my own…nothing that Respire Haiti has done was done by Megan Boudreaux, everything that has happened has been because of HIS leading and guidance.  After spending the first 24 years of my life trying to follow MY journey, the last year has been the most freeing, calming, scary and exciting year ever because I have given it to Him and to HIS Journey.

12 thoughts on “Whose Journey is this anyway?

  1. Thank you for sharing your journey so freely with all of us, your walk is truly an inspiration. Always, Holly Carruth

  2. WOW, What a testimony. Thank you for sharing. I have traveled to Haiti once in Jan. of 2011 and am praying that if it is a part of God’s plan that I can go again in May with my 16 yr old son. I am so grateful to you and the amazing God you serve.

  3. What a great testimony to what God can and will do with one life given completely over to Him! You are an inspiration, not because of what you do, but because of what you allow God to do through you. Thank you for being faithful to His calling on your life.

  4. Megan – As tears drip I feel totally led to tell you that YOU are such an example to any and all who know you. In am 58 years old and felt “called” to Haiti in 2007 and have there over 20 times working for three different orphanages. The first two orphanages, after three years of giving and giving and loving those children with a love like no other – their scamming surfaced and I thought my heart would break and couldn’t understand why I thought God wanted me in Haiti – I assumed it was MY heart and desire and not of Him. Your blog on scandalous orphanages was so RIGHT ON! In late 2010 when I thought I would not be returning to Haiti, God reconnected me with a woman I met on an airplane bound for Haiti in 2007. Just like him, huh? I am now invalid with an orphanage called New Life Children’s Home in the PAP area.

    I would LOVE to meet you and spend a little time with you to support you and be fed by God through you. I have many friends who also go to Haiti and we have been following your blog and are totally AMAZED by who you are, what you are doing and watching to see where God is taking you. I always jokingly say that I wish my life was yours. But – God had a different plan for me and I didn’t get “it” until I was so much older than you.

    I have such a love for these children/people and being a “people person” as well – my heart aches for them.

    Know you are being lifted up in prayer by many and may you continue to follow our God with such determination. YOU are a shining light and I hope to meet you one day.

  5. Megan, I am so glad that I did not have to work this morning and caught this blog hot off the press. I was just reading in Hebrews (the Message) this morning about JESUS!!! Eugene Peterson wrote in his introduction to the book of Hebrews that religion is our well intended efforts to get it together for GOD yet the main and central action is what GOD has been doing, is doing and will do for us. Jesus is the revelation of that action. Our job is to live in responsive obedience to God’s action revealed in Jesus!!!
    I am praising Jesus that you have learned obedience to Him!!! I could so easily imagine you in your rented house, eating Cliff bars and feeling defeated YET how wonderful that you did NOT give up BUT clung to his promises!!! You are the answer to many millions of prayers – God’s faithful people in Haiti crying out to Him day and night to deliver and heal their land and to save and rescue their CHILDREN!!!!
    Bravo, girl!!!!

  6. Dear Megan
    Your blog about following what the Lords plan is for your life is EXACTLY what I am experiencing at this time. Your words have been so encouraging to me these past 6 months, opening my heart, responding to what the Lord has stirred and continue to explore opportunities serving with gifts he gave me in Haiti. I thought his plans were to work at a new childrens home, but after spending 3 months there, he had a bigger plan for me, working with young adults in transition at an orphanage and Moms developing job skills in micro businesses to enable them to provide for their children.One of your blogs spoke of a Mother that wanted you to take her child to care for, as happened many times. I remember my heart just broke, thinking as a Mom, I struggled with why the children at the home were there and could I ever give away my son so easily. Sharing this story made me realize, she is giving her child away because she loves him so much she doesn’t want her child to die of starvation and to have an education.You offered her a job so that she could provide for her child. That story is one of the many stirrings that the Lord put on my heart …the desire to stop the cycle of “restaveks” and orphanages and be involved with creating jobs and skills. Utilizing my business background to serve by developing micro businesses and skill training capacities is the way to change their lives. I am traveling to Haiti in 2 weeks to explore the door he has opened with a orphanage, and be obedient to this new journey in my life. Thank you for be an inspiration and I know I will meet you and the wonderful children of Gressier in the future.

  7. Friend, I just love you. And reading this blog makes me MISS you and your gorgeous, wide-open heart. God IS leading you in crazy- incredible ways, because you are letting Him. I’m so thankful for that. I’m so thankful for YOU. He needs more foolish hearts serving Him and trusting Him and believing in the impossible. Keep your eyes fixed on HIM alone, the creator and perfector of your faith.

  8. Megan, you obey and follow Him with such reckless abandon! You are an inspiration to me and I always look forward to hearing more of your stories how He is using you in such amazing ways! My friend Karen and the team going to Pecot are going to try to see you when they arrive late this wk. Love you girl!

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