Where’s Gabriel? Part 1.

Where’s Gabriel?  Part 1.

Written Thursday September 30

Picking up Gabriel from the orphanage one day

I have gotten many questions about Gabriel and have not been able to respond, because it is difficult.  This is the hardest thing I have ever written about.  It’s a terrifying memory.  A heartbreaking event.  And though God knows the end, I do not yet, which breaks me, every day, every minute.

As I walked into the orphanage in Carrefour, Haiti for the hundredth time, unfortunately I didn’t think much would be different this time.  Starving, malnourished children suffering from completely preventable and treatable sicknesses.  Every time I would get near the entry gate I could just feel the evil emanating out, and the wickedness of the directors would send shivers down my spine.

The group that I met at the orphanage was visiting from Colorado and they were going to take all of the children on an “outing” to Gressier.  The bus was waiting outside…as they gathered all 75 sick, scabied covered children, who many had untreated sicknesses for weeks, the children made it to the bus, each trying to enjoy through their sickness, the excitement of something new.

The team was ready to go, sitting on the bus with all the kids they had gathered…I looked on the bus, and for some reason said, “I’m going to run back in and check one last time to see if we have all the kids.”  One of the members of the group said…”I just came out, there’s no one. “   Since I had been rounding up kids for nearly 20 minutes, I believed her, but for some reason I just felt like I should check one last time….so I went inside again.

As I passed through the courtyard.  No one.  Inside the halls.  No one.  I then entered one of the side rooms expecting again to find no one.  That’s when I saw a little child, sitting still with a light pink shirt on way to small.  He was gazing into the cement gray wall with an empty look of hopelessness.  There were two “orphanage workers” nearby, I asked who this child was, no one knew, as their face filled with almost disgust as I asked if this was either of their children.  I picked her up only to realize it was a him.  He felt warm and immediately went limp in my arms.  His sick body was broken….so I took him.  And this is where it started.

For the next 5 months, Gabriel began to teach me about redemption, healing, anger, sadness, hopelessness, hope, pain, fear, joy, beauty and that’s just the beginning.

Gabriel's First Bath 🙂

Although he went between the orphanage and my house numerous times from March to July, I was always thinking about him.  Thinking about his health.  His poor little sick body.  His spirit.  His hurting, broken, healing and beautiful spirit.

When he stayed with me, nights were hard.  His screams would fill the room and remind me that he’s had SO much practice perfecting his empty cry in an orphanage…in his cries I could hear the hope that if he was the loudest then maybe, just maybe someone would hear his cry and know his pain…so as night would fall and his body would become more fatigued his siren-like screams would begin and once again he would choose to sleep on the tile floor rather than his bed.

I was willing to fight for him.  To not sleep for days, weeks.  To pray over him morning, noon and night.  We were on the road to healing.  So close.  He started giving kisses instead of biting.  He started relaxing when being held instead of trying to break lose.  He started playing and laughing and smiling.

Gabriel ready for the beach.

But then reality set in again in June.  He was an orphan.  In a country where an orphan=money.  In a country where orphanages=business.  The director of the orphanage and his wife were both very aware of this.  Their orphanage is a business.  From October of 2010 until March of 2011, 53 children have gone missing.  Unable to be located.

To give a brief description of the chaos of the details.  Because of my unwillingness to give the orphanage director, what he wanted for Gabriel, I had started an uphill battle with the Haitian authorities about what was happening.

On the day the director was arrested.  My whole world changed.  My sheltered and safe life became SHATTERED.  I witnessed before my very own eyes the reality of injustice.  Of human flaws.  Of evil, pure evil.

I have to say, the Haitian police did a pretty great job with the actual sting operation.  Their plan, their follow through, their success was surprising, and impressive.

But the buck stopped there.  The Haitian Social Services branch, was beyond terrible.

If the government organization that is PAID to care and fight for these kids is too busy eating their lunch and listening to rap on their IPOD, then who the heck is supposed to fight for these kids.  I had a new VIGOROUS and FIERY passion ignite in me for this orphanage and for Gabriel.  And This was before the end of the day (when the unthinkable happened)….

As this branch of government visited the orphanage more worried about what they were doing this weekend than with the sickness, feces, scabies and filth that was in front of them…I couldn’t imagine how bad the day would end.

As they ripped, and I mean RIPPED Gabriel out of my arms at the end of the day…his nails clawed at my hands reaching back at him.  His face was TERRIFIED…his screams were ear-piercing…I looked back at him and felt like I was about to vomit, my heart was breaking and I thought I was having a heart attack.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t talk.  I couldn’t move.  “WHAT HAVE I DONE?” I thought frantically.

They locked him in a white vehicle with the windows rolled up.  But I could still here him screaming loudly.

I was forced into a car with some Haitian Police and other officials.  They said you will see him in “3 days”…and another voice chimed in…”no 7 days”….and the last voice states…”10 days”….as I felt my togetherness unfolding…I angrily said in English…”You have GOT to be kidding me.  If YOU don’t even know when I’ll see him againI’m NEVER going to see him again.  You guys have NO IDEA what you are doing.  I am NOT the bad guy here! ”  Tears streaming down my face…Anger bursting from EVERYWHERE.  One man chimes in in English (oops…didn’t know anyone spoke English)…and he says, “If you don’t believe you’ll see him, then fine, you won’t.”  Oh, great! I thought…what did I do?  I apologized quickly as I said with tears streaming down my face…I’m sorry, this is just overwhelming.  He smiled and said, “I understand.”

Here I am 69 days later.  Without Gabriel.  Without a word of his whereabouts.  Without even a hint at his safety.

The only thing keeping me going, is Christ.  Hope.

“I am Gabriel.  I stand in the presence of God, and I was sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news.” Luke 1:19

As I read this, over and over.  I am waiting.  Waiting Gabriel.  What’s the Good News?  Where are you?  I pray you are safe.  That you are healthy.  Loved.  Secure.  I know…I BELIEVE…I will see you again.  I Am Searching for you…Please know…I Will NEVER give up.




Gabriel Blowing a Kiss


19 thoughts on “Where’s Gabriel? Part 1.

  1. Megan, i can’t possible start to imagine being in your place or give advice, but what i can do is pray along side of you and send you the biggest HUG i can send these hundrends of miles. I am just heart broken. I know that the time Gabriel spend w/ you is what is keeping him hopeful as well. He is remembering every kind thing you have done for him. He will remember being wrapped in prayer while he was w/ you, God is right there next to him. He is not letting go.Genesus 28:15 “I am with you and will watch over you whereever you go, and i will bring you back to this land I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” When i got back from Haiti i was devistated and broken, I could not believe i was leaving these children and that Mariange Tiana (the little girl i bonded w/) was going to live in that orphange. I felt hopelessness like i have never felt befor. I found this scripture and highlighted in my bible and have a picture of her and i that i mark that page with. I have no idea if i will ever see her again , and i had to know that she is in God’s hands. I konw this is nothing compared to your heart breaking, But this verse just helps me to have hope. You are an amazing woman of God, and i am so touched to see your strength in him. I love you dearly,

  2. megan…we have never met but we pray for you! we will pray that Gabriel is safe and you will see him soon! Bob and Linda Ludwig



  4. I’m so sorry, Megan. I know how much you love him and how your heart must be breaking. I will pray for you and for him.

  5. MEAGAN,

  6. Megan–I’m always thinking about you and praying for you and those children. I know you must be hurting so much for Gabriel and all of those precious orphans. You are one unbelievable person. Love ya

  7. Megan,
    Found your site via a Facebook share. My heart broke reading about Gabriel. Broke for you, broke for him, broke for all the others like him. I love Haiti. I’m about to go back. But reading your post and knowing that so many have the same story….it just makes it so hard to carry on. But we do. Because if we don’t, then those that oppress have won. We do it for the children, the babies. The ones that have no voice. You sound like an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your story with the world, as painful as it must have been for you.
    My hope is that you and your angel are reunited one day – either here on Earth, or in a better place, beyond.

    Much love to you, sweet stranger.

  8. Megan – we don’t know each other but I found your blog on Facebook. As a mother, my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have my son (which Gabriel most definitely is to you) ripped from my arms.

    I’ve shared your blog with a friend of mine who works with human trafficking as well as our whole women’s group at our church. You have a lot of people praying for you and your sweet Gabriel.

    “This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

    In Christ-
    Danielle Walker

  9. Megan – we don’t know each other but I found your blog on Facebook. As a mother, my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have my son (which Gabriel most definitely is to you) ripped from my arms.

    I’ve shared your blog with a friend of mine who works with human trafficking as well as our whole women’s group at our church. You have a lot of people praying for you and your sweet Gabriel.

    “This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

    In Christ-
    Danielle Walker

  10. You are being COVERED in prayer, Meg. Gabriel is being covered in prayer- by people all over the world, most of which have never met him. God will answer.

    “The righteous cry out and the Lord hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit. Many adversities come to the one who is righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all. He protects all his bones; not one of them is broken.” (Psalm 34:17-20)

  11. I honestly dont even know where to Start…
    But Just know Your brother in Africa is praying for You and for Gabriel.
    If You allow me I can share this story on my website so that people may keep praying for the situation in Haiti. We Love You for God is love.

  12. My heart is broken from reading this. God has placed my heart in Haiti and I haven’t yet had the opportunity to return since I went in 2008. I worked with an orphanage in Port au Prince that took great care of the children so to hear stories like these terrify me for the girls I worked with and the numerous amounts of children I do not know. Thank you for taking your time to write down what is going on, for taking a stand in this horrid time. I pray God always gives you hope as you continue to do His will.

  13. Megan my heart aches for you and I’m sure the days seem long and the nights longer. When we were bringing our son home after the earthquake there was confusion about the process with the police and they did not believe our signature from the prime minister was real and ended up ripping our children out of the arms of our escorts and wanted them to disappear and how desperately my skin ached for my child, it is like a kidnapping from those you thought you could trust because you did everything correctly. If you think it would help I can find out where they brought our children after taking them from us. I will pray that the plans of the wicked are destroyed and that our redemptive God shows He has already overcome.

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